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color cycle (slow)

Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

Unfortunately, I Really Am That Nerdy

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Angst of the week
color cycle (slow)
kistaro
Why am I so terrible at showing that I care?

It's frustrating. Shit happens to people I care about. I care about that, I care about them, and I want to comfort and assist them- but I always lose the part of "comforting," I always come off as an impersonal analyst.

I care. I don't like to see those around me suffering; I want to lessen their pain. I want to express that I sympathize, that it's more than just a situational analysis with automated, unfeeling response. But I don't let myself stop my life over the ruined life of another- be it my uncle, who's about to lose his insurance and therefore be unable to foot the $50,000 medical bill that must be paid to keep him alive, or my aunt, who's dying of several creative varieties of cancer but has still survived longer than anybody expected.

I feel pain over all of this. I deeply wish the situation could be different. No matter what I may express- or not- I am in pain over all of it, and more.

But I just can't express it.

Is it worse to say something that seems cold and analytical, but potentially useful, or say nothing at all? When the best case is something helpful and comforting, something that shows that I care?


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I think that sometimes cold and analytical is what a person needs most at times. Though, you might try and emphasize that you do feel, even if your language doesn't show it. Remember, text does not convey emotion at all. It might be prudent to give disclaimers that you do, indeed, feel and love and care and so on.

I find that being analytical is the best way to find a flat solution to a situation, but it's rarely very comforting.

I do note that I have these emotions, but it seems less expressive to just note them like any other variable, but what can I do?

The problem extends to every medium, online or off, text or in person. I just don't express emotion very well...

Oh, and I was considering tracking you down to show you this, which I first learned about when getting it as the rare in my one and only booster pack (so far) for the Scourge expansion of Magic: The Gathering. Looks like you got a completely fortuitous cameo!

It's hard and it takes a lot.

Sometimes I feel really sad, and I feel bad about posting it in LJ. I mean, I always get these mixed-up feelings. I don't want to be angsty-angsty, I want to be a rolemodel of some sort. I want to be everyone's friend but I still have to take the time to learn that not everyone wants me to their friend. And that sort of thing. And then when people come and support me, I then want to repay the time they've spent to show that support for me to support them back in some way. There's guilt in the process, I want to give something more.

Sometimes you can't really help someone in substance, such as giving cash, but you can with feelings and words. You can show that you can support them, you can affirm that you, one of many people, support that person in agony, and that they are heard. And that is what is very important, I feel. I'm sort of Christian-y as of late, and I really do believe in prayer and showing support of others; giving them a morale boost. You know, reminding them of a bigger picture, and that sometimes it isn't right to suffer from indecision but rather be inspired by hard times to discover success.

listen, Kistaro. When you talk to me when I have problems, yes it is just straight facts, but the idea that you even want to make me feel better? that does help. and even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, I really appreciate it.

now then.. anything we all can do for you? *smiles*

Mm... I'd like to be able to help, but I have exactly the same problem, I think. There's a counselling course that's going to be running at school, and I wonder if that might help in any way.

I have the same difficulties in knowing what to say if someone, for instance, doesn't get the results they'd like to. I want to reassure them in some way, but can't find how to do so. It's difficult.

Well, for a look at what happens when someone rather inept at the whole thing attempts to offer condolencens, you can always look at some of my more recent posts :P

Having been in situations that suck does not necessarily make someone then know what to say, as if they've grafted the Font 'O Wisdom to the base of their brainstem. It just means that they feel empathy for what's going on.

Society doesn't really encorage it, but a simple offering of "I'm sorry this has happened, know that I'm here for you even if I can't express it too well" will often work wonders. It's hard to say if being silent is the better track or not, but at least this way you don't kick yourself for not having said something when it mattered.

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