Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor (kistaro) wrote,
Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor
kistaro

A chronic sort of gender instability

I am not actually comfortable with my own gender. It is this unpredictable, fluctuating thing, wholly not under my control; I suppose I'm somewhere in the category of "genderfluid", but Lake Placid it's not.

I don't mind the unpredictability; I don't mind that the majority of the time I can't easily explain what my gender is temporarily, and really can't explain it on an ongoing basis; I am more than comfortable with the fact that my "default" gender, insofar as I have one, is somewhere around "both".

I am at my most uncomfortable wen my gender identity has decided, for a day or two, to match my physical sex. Then everything comes crashing down in a wave of self-doubt, afraid that my experience the other 92% of the time is this completely invalid fantasy based on what I wish my gender actually was, afraid it is a horrendously disrespectful misappropriation of trans* narrative.

Feeling temporarily comfortable with my gender presentation makes me uncomfortable.

In related news, I need some sort of fashion consultation for how to redo my wardrobe to present as gender-ambiguously as possible within the constraints of what little sense of style I have.

I've migrated to DreamWidth. The original post is at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/487930.html. View comment count unavailable comments at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/487930.html#comments; go ahead and use OpenID to post your own, or you can comment here.
Tags: gender
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