Now I'm going away from the stress of "MUST STUDY AAGGGH" followed by "I have no idea what is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it", into "...well, now what do I do for two weeks?", which is combined with a nice spot of guilt about not spending the last three weeks getting the apartment cleaned up. It's actually worse than it was when I had a day job. To be fair, the stress of "will I ever get money again?" is a piquant sort of anxiety that does a brilliant job of not letting me focus on my usual tasks, so I perhaps shouldn't be surprised.
Perhaps I'll get it fixed in the next week or two. (Two is more likely; I could start my job in one week if I really push it, but the recruiter sounds harried enough as it is.) Although I do worry I would be much better off spending my time writing software, to stay in practice. (I'd like to! I'm definitely feeling that 'I'd really like to program something' itch again.) I really should balance my time between these pursuits, I guess; I just have to get myself motivated to do housework.
What the last few weeks have shown me is that I should stop buying video games. Most of them don't hold all that much interest for me. (Unsurprisingly, the ones I spend more on are the ones I'm likely to like least.) I actively dislike elaborate 3D graphics; simple 2-D sprites are much easier for me to identify and use. I have bad vision in a neural sense; there's little wrong with my eyes, but my brain is pretty bad at processing everything. I think, in the end, this is why I tend to like Nintendo games the best- and the extra visual cues of the 3DS make actual 3D games more playable than usual, although I find myself going back to 2-D much of the time, on a variety of systems. I need to let this guide my choice of games much more than it does; it helps my estimates of what I'd like or not, although to be fair this does match most of my recent purchasing decisions. More importantly, I have a stupidly large library of stuff I've never even started or never gotten through the tutorial of, and I should just play my backlog before making the problem worse. Save money, enjoy what I already have, and if I really feel the urge to recreationally shop, I should give Hasbro my money and get back into Magic: The Gathering.
For now, though, I have an intermission, of a week or two; perhaps it would be a vacation if I had planned it, but I haven't, so I should really just spend the time making myself feel secure and stable again. When I think about it that way, though, it gives me more guidance on what I should actually do and focus on; yes, housework first, and then more time with Rakeela than usual.
I haven't spent much time talking to people online recently, which I know is frustrating for those of y'all who would like to talk to me. But for the last three weeks, I've been this absolute stressball and trying to deal with OMG PEOPLE wasn't going to do me any good; I might be more available soon, but don't set your expectations very high, as the last few weeks have also reminded me that I really am an introvert and quiet, solitary pursuits really are my best means of emotional recovery.
I've migrated to DreamWidth. The original post is at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/483111.html. View comments at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/483111.html#comments; go ahead and use OpenID to post your own, or you can comment here.