Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor (kistaro) wrote,
Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

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A common spiritual exercise in many paths is, as part of practicing awareness of local non-incarnate spirits, seek the ones- if any, and there very often are- who are, for some trans-incarnational reason, paying attention to your life and, hopefully, supporting you in it. I'm not sure exactly where the term "spirit guides" derives from, but it's that concept; viewed through another lens, you have "guardian angels", while many others will swear until their own deaths that it is their ancestors helping them. All of these imply different sources, but the practical concept is roughly the same, and isn't that the most important part of the concept anyway?

When I performed such a meditation, and the times I attempted it thereafter, I met myself, which absolutely failed to surprise me. Which quite probably suggests why I'm exactly what I found, but, really, who would be more invested in my future? I have relatively little regard for time, and see no reason it needs to be consistent, linear, or non-branching. I am both this incarnate being and a disincarnate spirit, and when I die, I will be the disincarnate spirit; not another one, since we were never different entities in the first place. There's no loss of personal identity, no merging- just a continuity that always was.

I think I'm trying to describe something that is extremely fundamental to how I view the world, and it's very much shaped like my thoughts, and I'm at approximately a total loss to explain this.

Closely related is that there are no fewer than four people, and quite probably more who haven't told me about it or who I haven't met yet, who absolutely swear that I was created somehow synchronously to them, for definitions of creation that transcend individual incarnations and are outside of all of them. It's that "source of a soul' thing, except now it's parallelized, because I have these divergent accounts.

Perhaps unfortunately, it is the apparently bizarre conclusion that comes very naturally to me. It does not seem odd that I should have originated in multiple times, in multiple ways, and these have no linear relationship between them; it wouldn't make sense to call any of them after any other, nor is some meta-reincarnation correct. I simply came to exist in multiple places at divergent "time"s, and remain one entity. There's nothing to "merge" here, and there's no order, and no sense of an end to these- after all, I evidently haven't ended yet.

I'm trying to articulate how this "works" and I can't. It's just how the universe is shaped, and I can't explain that shape. It's not that I don't understand my own thoughts/perceptions on the matter, it's that they aren't anywhere near anything I can process with words, and trying to do so gets me precisely nowhere. I can't express it in any way that doesn't imply that there's more than one me, which would be horribly misleading by merit of being wrong in a strikingly non-obvious way I can't articulate. Alternatively, I can't express it in any way that doesn't imply that this is some sequence of meta-reincarnations, which is actually more wrong than the other one.

It's an interesting experience to understand a concept thoroughly and be completely unable to accurately express it (or even pseudo-accurately express it). I don't think it's a rare one, though, especially in spiritual matters.

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Tags: identity, spirituality

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