Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor (kistaro) wrote,
Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

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Fun with Serious Questions to the Internet Oracle

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I'm a dragon stuck in a human body. Got any advice for
> someone in that situation?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ The Oracle, dressed all in white with a stethoscope hung
} around his neck and a round mirror affixed to his forehead,
} is sitting at with his feet on his desk. He's smoking
} a huge cigar. Before him sits a half empty fifth of gin.
} He's wearing fake glasses and a huge black mustache. ]
} Oracle: Nurse, send in the next patient.
} [ Zadoc, uneasily too at ease in a nurse's dress, white
} stockings and heels, buttons up his top and leaves
} the room while saying... ]
} Zadoc: Got it boss.
} [ A man is ushered in, he is pale and feeble. Stuck in
} his upper torso is a red dragon the size of a house
} cat. The head is craning about from his chest, the
} tail wagging back and forth out the man's back. ]
} Oracle: Now that's what I call a problem.
} Dragon: Can you help me doc? This human is really a
} drag on my style.
} [ The Oracle takes a drag on his cigar. Zadoc plays
} with the hem of his skirt. ]
} Oracle: I see what you mean. So was this man eating
} dragon? It looks like a problem maiden the
} Middle Ages, it could take all knight to fix
} this. Talk about heart burn. Who can we flame
} for this? I've heard of people having a frog
} in their moat, but this is ridiculous. I have
} trouble getting some people on the scales, and
} here's a guy with the scales in him. I bet your
} dino's sore...
} [ A loud =error= buzz is heard. ]
} Oracle: Drat! Take two castles and call me in the morning.
} And quit eating tinned meat, like St. George.
} [ fade to black ]

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