February 8th, 2010

stupid, silly

A sport

So there are all sorts of rumors flying around that the Saints used sorcery to win the Super Bowl. Apparently. This is coming off my Google Reader feeds and Twitter and my e-book subscription to the Seattle Times, I don't actually care about sports. There's always something; this year, it's God instead of steroids.

But it gave me an idea: God Ball. Y'see, praying for your team to win or engaging in elaborate rituals wouldn't just be part of the game anymore, they'd be all of the game. Finally, the degree to which petty sublimated territorial squabbles can be affected by appeals to the Divine can be empirically determined; perhaps, through sport, it is a way for prayer to be quantified.

You'd have this one-foot-diameter stone ball, in the middle of the field, with goals set up about 100 feet apart. After the ref places the ball, he leaves the field, and the game begins. Nobody is allowed within 20 feet of the court until the game is over, which is at the first goal.

Since that includes the players, divine intervention is the only way to affect the outcome of God Ball, and in fact actual mortal players can be dispensed with entirely, which would certainly keep salary costs down. Given the anticipated glacial pace of the game, it may be more appropriate to sell streaming video subscriptions (with time-lapse "highlights" reels) than actual seats, should someone wish to start a professional league and monetize the sport.

This wouldn't just have to be city vs. city, of course. If God Ball is to acknowledge how closely people tie sports to religion, why should it presuppose which religion will win? No longer are we restricted to sublimating territorial combat through sport; through God Ball, jihad can be channeled in much the same way.

So I think we should get a professional, international God Ball league up and going, and then people will really have something to argue about.

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