October 14th, 2002

color cycle (slow)

Fun with Serious Questions to the Internet Oracle

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I'm a dragon stuck in a human body. Got any advice for
> someone in that situation?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ The Oracle, dressed all in white with a stethoscope hung
} around his neck and a round mirror affixed to his forehead,
} is sitting at with his feet on his desk. He's smoking
} a huge cigar. Before him sits a half empty fifth of gin.
} He's wearing fake glasses and a huge black mustache. ]
}
} Oracle: Nurse, send in the next patient.
}
} [ Zadoc, uneasily too at ease in a nurse's dress, white
} stockings and heels, buttons up his top and leaves
} the room while saying... ]
}
} Zadoc: Got it boss.
}
} [ A man is ushered in, he is pale and feeble. Stuck in
} his upper torso is a red dragon the size of a house
} cat. The head is craning about from his chest, the
} tail wagging back and forth out the man's back. ]
}
} Oracle: Now that's what I call a problem.
}
} Dragon: Can you help me doc? This human is really a
} drag on my style.
}
} [ The Oracle takes a drag on his cigar. Zadoc plays
} with the hem of his skirt. ]
}
} Oracle: I see what you mean. So was this man eating
} dragon? It looks like a problem maiden the
} Middle Ages, it could take all knight to fix
} this. Talk about heart burn. Who can we flame
} for this? I've heard of people having a frog
} in their moat, but this is ridiculous. I have
} trouble getting some people on the scales, and
} here's a guy with the scales in him. I bet your
} dino's sore...
}
} [ A loud =error= buzz is heard. ]
}
} Oracle: Drat! Take two castles and call me in the morning.
} And quit eating tinned meat, like St. George.
}
} [ fade to black ]
}
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
color cycle (slow)

teeth.status==OK

Well, according to Dr. Nissan, my teeth are better than they've been for years. No cavities that I need to be concerned about (I have a few little "microcavities," but I've had them for two years and they're not getting any larger) and not much plaque buildup. So that went well.
  • Current Mood
    pleased pleased
color cycle (slow)

We're saved!

Yes! Yes! Yes! My father's e-business just got an order that is large enough to support my family for an entire year with no cutbacks- gone is the year-and-a-half of no income!

Yeah!
  • Current Music
    the insane happy screaming of my father
color cycle (slow)

Damn.

Someone slipped a decimal... the order's 100 units, not 1000.

Damn. It's still our largest order yet.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed