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color cycle (slow)

Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

Unfortunately, I Really Am That Nerdy

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Asshats, shit, humor, and, most importantly, cake
color cycle (slow)
kistaro
So heading to the Village Commons for dinner, I was confronted by a wad of gum adhered to one of the windows on the inner door. Why the fuck would someone stick their gum there? I can concieve of absolutely no reason that a rational person would do so. This leads, of course, to the conclusion that the person who caused the confectionry to be in that location must be aggressively irrational. Fortunately, the Internet bastardization of the English language has provided us with a perfect word for such a person: "asshat". (I need a userpic depicting a donkey in a fedora, the latter element of it labeled "hat" and allowing the viewer to draw the appropriate conclusion.)

The presence of a word, however, does not mitigate the actual meaning of the word. Damn it, the housekeepers have a hard enough job without you shit-flinging chimpanzees sabotaging their efforts. How could anybody come to the conclusion that spitting their gum on the window was the best action they could take? Couldn't they have done something more productive and less damaging, like repeatedly hitting themselves over the head with a squeaky penguin? It would have gotten exactly as much useful accomplished, I assure you.

A Google phrase-search (y'know, one with quotes) reveals that there are only three sites in its index that have used the phrase "shit-flinging chimpanzees." (And I may very well be the first user of "repeatedly hitting themselves over the head with a squeaky penguin".) This was a somewhat unexpected result, but more amusing was Google's helpful link informing me that I can "look up shit at Dictionary.com" should I wish to. Well, yes, the entire point of a dictionary is to look shit up. Is it sad that I find the lack of quote marks amusing?

Or is it worse that I followed the link, and found it hysterically funny that Dictionary.com's entry on "shit" is one of the longest I've read from the site? I suspect this gives as much insight into human psychology as any textbook on the subject. Seriously. No shit.

Anyway, at the Village Commons, putting thoughts of gum-flinging asshats aside, I waited in line to place my order. I was not the only one who laughed as the man behind the counter (I really should know his name by now) filled the order of the person ahead of me- it was I, the person ahead of me in line, and the man filling the order who laughed.

The person ahead of me in line ordered the standard value meal of "half order of fries, half order of chicken tenders." He used the standard short notation of "Half tenders, half fries" to request his order. He was presented with a plate containing half of one chicken tender and half of one french fry.

Not quite as good as the "You want a quesadilla with everything on it?" "Yep." "Everything?" "Yes!" "Mark, get the saurkraut, I got the tuna!" that I had heard near the beginning of the semester, but still worth a good laugh. I seriously respect the ability of the kitchen staff to not go insane with their jobs...

So after I ordered, obtained, paid for, and ate my meal, I went back for dessert. That was probably one of the better decisions I've made today. That chocolate-strawberry cake was really, really good. The serving was, as is traditional from Washington University or really any food service, far larger than is actually healthy for me, but that did in no way inhibit my indulgence. I suspect they used actual whipped cream. Whether they did or not does not, in retrospect, particularly matter.

In conclusion: mmm. cake.


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(Deleted comment)
'Twas the reaction I was hoping for! Glad I could improve your day. ]B=8)

Bwah, you got the same from me! Man, that was a much-needed break in the homework... especially since I've made not one but TWO really dumb mistakes on the same page of typing, and sat there and stared at them for a moment before realizing what was wrong. Wooooo.

...Whee, overuse of the word bwah. Hehe, I must be sleepy.

I am quite amused.

*chuckles* This site: http://www.w00t-comic.net/misc-crap.html

has some amusing LJ icons for the word: asshat.

It was that webcomic where I first saw the word asshat. And promptly adopted it as being the perfect word to use for such people.

This entry made my day. That was hella amusing. Not many people are going to talk about "shit" and cake, in the same entry.

Or half fries/half tenders. Very nice.

Thank you for adding a chuckle to my evening.

I usually think of 'asshat' as someone who wears their own ass as a hat, perhaps pulled right down over their ears. ;P

Half the tenders/half the fries, but all of the grease.

--'Tivo, who never met a strawberry he didn't like, but you can hold the chocolate

My interpretation of "asshat" is "one who must place xir hat upon xir rear because xir head is so far embedded within xir anal cavity that it is the closest place xe can reach to put it."

And yes, that's about right. The idea of that much grease in one meal makes me queasy- rather literally, as too much grease in one meal makes me puke.

You don't like chocolate? Sacreliege!

Gum spitting is better than breaking all the lights in the stairwells in Hurd from the thirdfloor down every weekend. That's the worst thing I can think of to make the housekeepers clean up and the maintenance replace.

Egad. That does qualify as worse. Somebody needs to set up spy cameras...

that's a really good idea. now to find inexpensive cameras that can be hidden so they won't be torn down also. Can't think of one single place where the cameras wouldn't be torn down also.

Use, as you said, cheap cameras, set to wirelessly broadcast into a locked dorm, with a computer (and a large hard disk) saving the data, or somebody watching and saving the data when somebody comes. The camera will probably get destroyed, but you've still got the data. The campus police would likely be very interested in the footage...

Mmm. Cake. Today it was somebody's birthday (read: the President's) so random people brought cake to other random people. I didn't want to eat it but did anyway. The "icing" was solid milk chocolate. *That* I liked. The nuts I could've done without. But I digress.

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