Log in

No account? Create an account
color cycle (slow)

Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

Unfortunately, I Really Am That Nerdy

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
color cycle (slow)
My Sensei correctly analyzed my two biggest problems in judo tonight.

1: My knees are double-jointed- so landing "correctly" hurts worse than landing "wrong." Or so I thought- my "correctly" is slightly off.

2: I have absolutely no self-confidence and second-guess my every move. I expect to be wrong, and consider myself to be wrong when I'm right most of the time. I ignore what I can do and focus on what I cannot do; I view my accomplishments as corrections of errors, and nothing more.

The second one's going to be a lot harder to fix.

  • 1
No self-confidence? Well, that attitude is self-fulfilling in that if you think and expect to be wrong, then you most certainly will be wrong and will fail. I know from personal experience in high school.

*hugs if it's alright for him to do so*
Cheer up, and chin up too. You will do fine if you don't look down and anticipate failure long before it's even begun. And, even if you are double-jointed, you can still accomplish a feat like the one given to you. Not to sound preachy, but many people who are disabled physically have accomplished many many amazing athletic feats. I understand you're nervous due to the circumstances, but for Pete's sake, don't let that depress you. ^^

Hope this helps. *hugs some more, but also awaiting your permission for him to hug*

I know. My sensei's trying to help me in the confidence department; what's sad is that my current level is higher than it used to be, as I didn't end up a weepy wreck halfway through class, certain I was screwing up in the worst ways possible on every single technique.

I think what helped it most recently would have been running the scoreboard on last Saturday's judo tournament. I was the only competent scorekeeper at the table; I ended up telling almost everybody except the person running the match clock what to do. It helped my confidence, mostly because there's no place for indecision in that. And that the referees at the end told me that I learned how to do the scorekeeping correctly much faster than any other first-time scorekeepers they'd worked with.

I also figured out that there IS something I'm doing wrong on the landing. I'm bending my ankle wrong, leading to my entire leg having to twist oddly, leading to an injured knee. So I can work through it.

My double-jointedness actually helps me a LOT during mat work. I can wriggle out of pins that would trap Ben; if you knew how agile and massively strong the black belt Ben is, you'd know that that's actually sort of impressive. (Although Ben's height of 6'2" doesn't help him.)It's fun watching spectators cringe at the contortions I pull off to escape pins... and reply with a choke.

I'm feeling somewhat better today. I've finally convinced myself of how much better I did at the kata this time than last time I tried it... with no practice in-between, and a break of four months. So I guess I really didn't do that badly, all things considered... hell, I did better than I ever have before.

I suppose the fact that I've finally gotten strong enough has a lot to do with it. I've gotten over being very weak; I can now lift Robert with little trouble, when four months ago, it was almost impossible for me to do the Fireman's Carry on him.

We'll see how I feel after a weekend in Indiana. I can usually be helpful enough that it boosts my self-esteem.

Of course, this condemns me to my mother's church on Sunday; I'll manage.

*returns the welcome hugs*

  • 1