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color cycle (slow)

Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

Unfortunately, I Really Am That Nerdy

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Programming Frustrations
color cycle (slow)
kistaro
By the way... would any of you happen to have a sledgehammer and the home address of the twit who thought it would be a good idea to make setMinimumSize(Dimension size) NOT implicitly call setPreferredSize(Dimension size) when the min is larger than the preferred, or the preferred is undefined? I'd like to have a little conversation with him about that programming decision, to make it so Swing components will prefer to size something at below its minimum functional size if you don't explicitly set the preferredSize as well.


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Obviously, I'm not kistaro. But I also believe myself to be draconic, and so if you don't mind, I'll attempt to give you some sort of answer, from my life and what I've found.

I discovered things in a similar way - by stumbling across pages on the Internet, Baxil's FAQ among them. I gathered terms from them - terms like Otherkin - and expanded my search until I was looking at articles written by people who were elves, foxes, horses, wolves, etc. As I read, I examined myself, my feelings, thoughts, and memories. I decided that dragon was the only thing that fit me, for a variety of reasons. One was that dragons have been showing up in the margins of my papers since elementary school, and that I've been reading dragon books for as long. (I went through a unicorn phase, and have a persistent interest in dolphins and wolves as well, but not as strong or recurring as in dragons.) Another reason is that I've had intermittent back pain since late middle school. I had been blaming it on heavy backpacks, but I thought for a moment and realized that wings would cause the same sort of feeling, especially if they were growing. I've since had phantom wings and tail manifest in such a way as to cause and explain the problematic tensions. I also fit more personality traits of a typical dragon, and had strong opinions on what was and wasn't "right" when I looked at pictures or descriptions of dragons. For instance, I always liked Pernese dragons better than stereotypical Western dragons, because Pern's dragons aren't scaled. Smooth skin wasn't quite right either, but it was a lot closer than scales.

The biggest reason would have to be that it just feels right. I might be able to pretend to be a wolf, but I will never be a wolf. I will always be a dragon, because I wouldn't feel right calling myself anything else.

I apologize if any of that was hard to follow or at all incoherant. Feel free to email me at inuki42 (at) hotmail.com, or reply here, if you have any questions. (My journal is friends-only, otherwise I'd invite you to bring questions over there.)


PS Kistaro, why don't you write up a description of what you'd like me to draw? I can start kicking around ideas and rough sketches at least, even if we can't finalize anything for a while. Email is good (no character limits).

No need to apologize; 'twas quite comprehensible. It's always nice to hear another view. If you feel you've anything to add to any questions throughout this thread, I'd be grateful for insightful answers if you have any--I don't know what questions are specific to each of you individually and which are common to the two of you (and possibly to others of the dragons). Does identifying with being a dragon mean (to you) that you have trouble in identifying with being human as well? Surely this life is a unique experience, and, though we take our past with us as we go about our days and our roots are important, we're all in it together from wheree'er came...

If this isn't something y'want t'answer, that's okay, too. Or if you choose to ignore this question and answer as if I said "What's the capital of Nova Scotia" or something random, that's quite fine.


I identify as human to some extent, because I have to. If I didn't, at least a little, I wouldn't be in college, for starters. I understand that if I were to walk around broadcasting my draconity on a daily basis (by wearing wings and a tail, for example, or some other immediately visible sign), people would probably call me crazy and lock me up. If not that far, they would at least treat me as something "less than human," because "humans are the top of the evolutionary ladder, and no animal can be as intelligent as humans." So I vocally identify as human, in order to have the benefits all humans are given. (Also, I would have real problems if I were to be suddenly put in a shape other than human. I'm used to this physical form by now.)

Many of my beliefs and opinions are similar to or shared by humans - like a belief in _something_ greater and more powerful than we are. (I don't put a name on it/them, but a deity or deities, or something(s) we would label as such.) It's hard for me to draw a line and say "these beliefs/thoughts are human, those are dragon" - it just doesn't work that way. Thoughts and beliefs are held by individuals, and I don't think they correllate easily to species (as long as the various species in question have comparable thought patterns). I think behavior patterns can be correllated to some extent - humans don't think about nature/the world as a whole as much, dragons tend to react with claws and teeth when startled - but only as trends.

Being human and dragon at the same time is something of a learning experience. I didn't realize my draconity until high school, so I have to assume my childhood was fairly typical. I identified as human for most of my life (slightly on the violent side, but still human), and realizing that I was also dragon made a lot of things fall into place. For instance, I realized that my fairly short temper and its rather violent expression could be credited not only to my father (his is similar), but to the fact that I was dragon. (My brother didn't get any of my father's temper, so I'm guessing draconity reinforced genetics, where genetics alone may have given me a diluted form.) As a dragon, I was almost definitely large enough to consider humans lunch - so I feel little guilt about hurting those I don't know.

Ultimately, though, draconity is an inner trait. I believe it's possible to be dragon without phantom wings, hoarding behavior, a quick temper, a fondness for meat, or anything else typically "dragon" - it's a belief and a self-image. There's a lot of people who pretend to be dragon, but don't believe it - they're not really dragons, though if they pretend long enough I believe it's possible for them to start taking on the traits without realizing it. For all I know, I might just be pretending myself - but I think it's having a positive effect. I feel less lost and confused, and more grounded to the world and this life. I'm trying to use my belief to make myself a better, healthier person - not as an excuse for socially unacceptable behavior.

I'm not sure how much I answered your question and how much I just talked, but that's some of my thoughts on being dragon.

Just Thoughts are Just Fine

Since I've not heard anything about this prior to the discussion herein, pretty much anything you say is insightful and interesting. It's right kind of you to be all discussive about it. {Or, "it is rather nice of you to lend your knowledge in a dialogue regarding the matter" if phrases like "right kind" don't do it for you.)

I'm curious: what is it, would you say, that makes a human "human" beyond the biology? I don't think I could offer a good answer to that question. (It's okay if you can't, either.) I know this question gets away from the dragon side of things a bit, so if it's leading outside of where you feel like going, it's okay if you don't continue along this line. You say you identified as human throughout your childhood but have subsequently realized you're something else. What is it, would you say, that defines human that doesn't fit you quite right?


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