color cycle (slow)

Kistaro Windrider, Reptillian Situation Assessor

Unfortunately, I Really Am That Nerdy

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kistaro
It's amazing how things that I can't notice become obvious when they change.

Having Jacel here made me not be ashamed to not be straight and not be ashamed to have a complicated gender identity. I couldn't even identify that at the time. Now that the shame and self-hatred is sneaking back up on me, I am starting to identify it. 

I've migrated to DreamWidth. The original post is at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/490081.html. View comment count unavailable comments at http://kistaro.dreamwidth.org/490081.html#comments; go ahead and use OpenID to post your own, or you can comment here.

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Why is it sneaking back up on you? Do you need a listening ear?

Passage of time returns me to my baseline. I just didn't realize it was my baseline, I think. As siege said, the merit is that this gives me a chance to fix it.

And what you observe, you can investigate and maybe change. :)
Hope and hugs

That's definitely the part where the merit is. Once I've caught something, I have the chance to fix it. I've learned various methods for fixing bad thought patterns (I have had to use them far more than I am proud of), but they're only useful once I know where to aim them.

These are trickier, since they don't try to pretend to be verbal or rational. It's easier to hook and replace an unwanted loop if it's verbal, and it's easier to unroot a bad chain of inferences if it pretends to be a rational chain of inferences. These are doing neither, which is how they hid for so long.

Once I learn how to uproot them, I'll have learned something very important. And then I'll need to learn better ways to identify broken secretly-held attitudes, so I can apply the skill where I need it.

It's all a process...

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